He had just moved to Denver… easier to commute to work, 3 or more hours of driving each day, 5 days a week was expensive and cruel. We kept in touch, daily, by phone and also spent time together watching our children play.
Weeks before, after a trip back from Denver, we sat in the fading light. We’ve spoken quietly to each other as our hands crept closer and closer together with each passing mile. A question from you, and with my approval, we kissed, neither wanted to leave the sanctuary of the front seat and each others company. And so it began.
One particular night, my son is with his dad, his daughter with her mom… we find that we are just people again instead of parents. These moments MUST be recognized and seized, they are too few and far between.
I face my fears and go to Denver, driving a Blazer, which should more aptly be named “Tank”… for this is how they drive. A call and then he appears at the door to let me into the building. Six floors up, if I remember correctly, and the appartment has a beautiful view of the city. I havn’t eaten, too anxious, too nervous. All he has to offer is cheese, bread and himself. I am not really hungry for food anyways.
We listen to music and make out like teenagers on the couch, granted… at 25 and 21, we are only a few years out. Even when we are free of parenthood for a night, adulthood still holds sway. It is a work night… just after 10pm. We stop and get ourselves ready for bed. Properly brushed and changed, we crawl into the twin sized “cast off” trundle bed, both glad that we are small individuals. More kissing, some touching and I keep thinking…. “Ugg, I am just ending my period. I want this, I really do, but I wish I wasn’t on my period!” I quietly murmer this to him. A few minutes later, again I repeat it and still, I think he does not hear me. I start to repeat it one more time, still quiet but he leans up on one elbow with irritation in his voice, he says “What?! Just say it!” My feelings about that moment are different now than they were back then, but this is not about now… I swallow my fear and say it, loud enough for him to hear. His reply, “So?” and nothing else. I run to the bathroom, clean up as best I can, and get back into bed beside him.
What follows is… ok but drawn out and dry (I blush to even write this… ) I remember enjoying the sleep most, being next to him. I had only fallen asleep next to a grown man a handful of times in my adult life. My sons father and I worked opposite shifts, and I had slept alone too many nights for my tastes.
I must say that as time went by… things only improved in the bedroom. An increased understanding of each others needs helped and a better level of comfort that was not there that first time. All else came with time but I should have truly heard his voice that night…. I realize now that there has never been a time from the beginning that he did not carry at least a small note of annoyance at my very presence.
