Another month passes… tell me, is this what the writers of stories feed on? The discovery at the death of someone that they loved secretly for their whole lives? I am still angry that I can not let go. This hurts still, maybe less than before but only because I’ve grown used to the pain now, I have learned to block it out and focus on other things… most of the time.
It’s only like this in the movies. Two meet, are parted and one yearns for the other until fate breaks down and steps aside to allow them a last chance, only to be forever parted and sent trembling with agony in the other direction … Such drama makes it unreal, a ficticious comic.
And how do you love two men? One so serious and stern, quiet and reserved. One who looks at you with resolution in their eyes, one who will not give up on you. Strong and sad, I am drawn to his calm demeanor. The other, a ghost, no substance left but that which is left over; turned away and bitter at his loss, who pretends that he has all he wants in life… a stubborn, vibrant man filled to overflowing with easy laughter.
But this isn’t a book or movie… It is the prugatory in which I reside everyday, it is my reality to be so split that I am torn down the middle but not in equal and even pieces.
