Today is just one of the days I miss him, terribly. One of the days when I think I should have kept my mouth shut and my mind clear enough to keep it a sweet secret. Then I could still talk to him, hear his voice… but now I am forced to scour the search engines for any clue to how he is. I can only look at the pictures he has left on the few sites I know of. Sometimes, I wish I wouldn’t have confessed to Joshua.

He had been suspicious before… dumb ass me… I had left a picture of Marcel’s dick in the recycle bin of my computer. (mmmm… such a delicious thing for me to think of) I had taken a picture of myself as well; clean shaven and wet. I had played with myself before the pictures, wanting to give him a visual taste of what existed on the other end of the world. I don’t have these pictures now, but I remember the slippery shine showed well on the photos.

I had never done that before… sent photos to someone on the internet… or by regular mail. Oh sure, I had posed for boyfriends and I’d almost bet there is a naughty spread eagle of me somewhere out there but to do this, on purpose, of my own choice… the thought had not ever crossed my mind before. 

By this time, Marcel and I had started to “cyber” in Second Life. What I initially thought would be silly and smack of “romance novel” was so damn erotic, I could hardly get enough. We would describe; sentence by sentence, in IM; just what we would do to each other, if we could only really touch each other. I would say something like “I would slide down the front of you, and get on my knees. Looking up at you… I’d reach up and unzip the front of your pants, rubbing your cock with the palm of my hand. I reach inside and feel your skin… it’s hot. mmmm”. He would then type somethkng like “Ja, my cock is getting harder as you touch it and I reach under your chin to force your eyes up to mine. With my other hand, I pull out my cock and rub it on your lips…”.

Makes me wet just thinking about it now!

I sent the pictures so he could have a visual of me when we talked dirty to each other, so it would be more real, so he could better imagine the things he was “doing” with me. BUT why did I not empty the computers recycle bin??? Well… I sure know alot more about “hiding” things now than I did then….

But now, this is the only thing I hide…  my memories and lost hopes.